It’s been a while since I’ve posted an update about our adoption.
We have so many people who have been so faithfully praying for us for literally years so I wanted to give a little update and let you all know how you can be praying for us.
As I’ve posted on here previously, back in June we closed our Ethiopia adoption and began the process to adopt a waiting special needs child from China.
I have not disclosed anything else that has happened regarding our adoption since then.
I think I’m finally ready to share some of it… so here goes.
Just 3 weeks after we started the paperwork for our China adoption, we saw pictures of a beautiful little girl that would be coming available for adoption through our agency. We told our caseworker right away that we were very interested in her. Her profile had not yet been completed, so we had to wait for that to be completed before we would know more about her medical history. We knew very general information about her at the time. In essence, as soon as her profile was received by our agency, we would be the first to be able to review her profile and decide if we wanted to move forward with becoming her family.
We thought we would wait 2-3 weeks for the profile, but you know how those timelines go with us… :)… so 8 weeks later, we finally received her profile. We received it via email late on a Friday afternoon and we had the weekend to review it, talk to doctors and make our decision. We did consult 2 doctors with her profile info and we were able to weigh the information we had, which wasn’t as much as we had hoped for. In essence, no medical testing had been done on her. We only had the doctors reports and reports about her development to go off of. Of course, we had been praying and seeking God’s guidance since the moment we saw her picture. After reviewing her profile we felt sure that we were supposed to pursue adopting her.
We could hardly wait until that Monday to let our agency know that we definitely were saying Yes! Long story short--- when we called on Monday, we received some news that wasn’t expected. Our agency director had also looked at her profile over the weekend and wanted to inform us that he wasn’t certain that the adoption officials in China would approve her for the special needs program. Even though her orphanage had declared her special needs, due to the nature of her special need (which was believed to be very mild although there were no diagnostic tests done) he believed that the decision could go either way.
We were pretty crushed. We didn’t even know this could be a possibility. We thought it was a done deal so to speak. Apparently usually it is… but again… you know how things don’t usually go as planned for us Kennetts…. :) (We later found out that this was only like the 2nd time this had happened--- to which I replied—“well, you know, we seem to bring good luck with us wherever we go…” :)
So….. the next 6 weeks were very emotional. Especially for Mamma. Finally the day came where we received an answer from the officials in China. We had waited over 2 1/2 months since seeing her little face and falling in love with her—we were so ready to have an answer.
Unfortunately it was not the news we had hoped for. Indeed, the officials made the decision that she was too healthy for the special needs program. We were obviously heartbroken. Crushed is also a good word. But as sad as it was, we did immediately have a sense that it was ok. God is in control. He has a plan for us that we could never even imagine. Everything is going to be ok. And the number one thing that we found comfort in… was that this darling, sweet little one will get a family. She was approved to be adopted through the healthy child program. She will get a family! And that is truly our heart for all of these children waiting for families. That they would get forever families! She was meant for another family and not ours. It took some time, but we are ok with that now. We know that there is a little one out there that is supposed to be in our family and soon God will bring us together.
Our dossier took some extra time to complete, but it finally arrived in China and we received our log in date! So, what’s the next step? Now that we have the log in date (LID), we are able to participate in the shared list matching process. Each month, there is 1 day that the shared list of all of the children available for special needs adoption is updated and published for adoption service providers to look at. When the list is published, our case worker will be able to look at the list and try to find our child for us! Obviously there are certain special needs and a certain age range that we are approved for, so there is no guarantee that in any given month we will be matched to a child. If we are not matched that month, we will have to wait until the list comes out again the next month, etc.
At this point, I’m choosing to be a bit more transparent because I’ve come to a new point with my feelings and emotions in this adoption process.
I’ve only recently realized what the change is and I feel like I need to share it. I’ve been trying for years to come to terms with all of this. The extreme roller coasters of emotion that I’ve experienced became so frustrating for me. One minute I was mad because no one was asking me about our adoption and the next minute I was made because everyone was asking me about it. And so on and so on. I mean, seriously… I was becoming sick of myself. So… after this situation with losing this little one happened, I began to sense change and have been trying to put my finger on it.
It was just last night as I sat in church that I was able to put it in words.
The difference now is that I can now TRULY say that no matter what happens, it’ll be ok. Not in a trivial, “every little thing is gonna be alright” way. But on a deep, emotional and spiritual level I truly believe with all my heart and soul that no matter what happens with our adoption process I’m going to be ok. I’ve said that before, but I didn’t really believe it before. I still had so many fears and anxieties. At this point, I have experienced “my worst fear” in having “lost” the little one that we thought would be ours and experiencing the grief, anger and sadness that came along with it in those early days. And you know what, here I am. I’m still here. Still living. Life is good and God is good. I’m blessed. Time heals wounds. I know God is here. He’s never left me and never will. After experiencing my worst fear and realizing that life really does go on and I’m ok has taught me more than I could’ve ever learned without this painful experience.
So what’s my next “worst fear”? That I wouldn’t ever be given the privilege of being a Mommy to a little one again. That that dream and call would never come to fruition in my life. That is now my worst fear.
BUT—knowing what I know now—I can now actually say that if my worst fear happens, I’ll be ok. It would be beyond painful, yes. But I know with all my heart that life would go on and I would somehow find my new normal. That I could still live a full and happy life enjoying the blessings that God has already given me and that I would still be able to praise Him with my whole heart.
So there you go! That’s what’s different. And I must say… FINALLY having that peace I’ve longed for is amazing.
Please be in prayer for us! We’d love if you’d pray that God would lead us to our daughter. That the two of us as well as our caseworker would have wisdom and discernment and we would know what decisions need to be made at every turn.
I hope to have another update very soon! Thank you all so much for your love and support and your prayers. It means more to us that you will ever know.